Pondering –RITC episode 12

by Wednesday, January 16, 2008

As I sit and ponder, as usual, I wonder about the meaning of it all. “All” meaning – why care about the things I do. Like the gym, my career and the point of a relationship. For as long as I can remember life has been based on a few key points to me. Money, Family, Home and Relationships.

Money meaning – is it really something I need to worry about, like, do I have enough that it doesn’t give me stress and if I don’t have any do I have a means to get some on my own with out resulting to drastic measures.

Family, as in how are my relationships with all those I love the most and how are they all doing mentally and physically, and am I doing all I can to help.

Home, as in how is my living situation, am I stable and is home a place where I can truly be settled or is it just where I sleep at night.

Relationships could mean various things like, am I in a good relationship? Do I need to get rid of some of the males in my life and how am I doing in the “to be desired category”.

Now as a mature almost 25 year old, it’s a bit different. Home is very important, I feel as if I can’t function correctly or truly at peace if I’m not comfortable in my base. My family remains at the top of the list, so nothing has changed there but Money now must equal Career. I’m confidant enough to say I will always have “money” meaning not struggling and living in poverty but what I’m lacking is a career. It seems that it’s a lot harder to achieve than just a decent salary. Then there’s the relationship aspect, it’s reverted from that to Love. Not just for another but love of self. As I’ve grown to love myself it makes it easier not to depend on getting it from elsewhere.

Friday I did the usual but it was a little unusual. First I let and actual friend from work accompany FIC and I to the usual after work spot. It’s a guy but I think he’s gay. We have the funniest work lunches in the cafe and he might be close to another me in a man form. He’s 29, a corporate attorney, 6’4 and makes a good living (I know because he was in my new hire orientation) I don’t know what he expected but once we got to F40, he fell in love with the spot. He didn’t stay they entire time but long enough for the owner (him) to make a comment about me being with a guy. I wanted to scream at him HE’S GAY! And MY COWORKER! Of course I couldn’t, but I thought it very loud. “He” was dressed in his finest and looking like we coulda walked straight down the aisle. What a waste… I think I’ve made too many mistakes in his presents to make anything productive of the situation. Boy would I like to though.

After my coworker left, FIC, her sister and I did our usual thing but guys were in the rarest form. Not only sending me drinks but continuously buying me and whomever I was with rounds of shots (tequila). No one to comment about, but my girl from BET joined us our other associate from BET was at another lounge called “bed” and wanted us to drop by. So I said goodbye to “him” and we hopped in a cab. By now everything was foggy but I know bed sucked, we dropped off BET chick and made our was back to Times Square to eat BBQ, only in NY can you get that at 1:30 in the morning. Afterwards I made my way home and was out like a light.

Saturday I hung out at central park with YMG. We did our usual conversing thing and then ate. We walked around crowded ass Time Square, ending in the huge Virgin store, were we grabbed CDs and sampled them at the kiosks. Before mentioned BET guy was also hosting a party across town so we reluctantly dropped by. By then I was so tired I yawned the entire time. I was supposed to meet up with the crew from the night before but I couldn’t hang. On the way home it turned into another fiasco.

The train stopped 2 stops from where I was to get of for a half hour. Normally I would have walked but not at 1am. Finally they told us the train wouldn’t go any further after feeding us some crap about track switching problems. Leaving the train station left me and maybe 40 other people aimlessly standing on the street. Was there a bus? Are there taxis? I never saw a bus but plenty of “ghetto taxis” charging $10 a person. Did I mention it was mostly men waiting? WELL there was no way I getting in the back of a car with two other guys and one in the front. I waited until I saw a non-threatening situation and then I took it after about 20 minutes of waiting. In waiting out the situation and picking the right “cab” a guy insisted on paying my $7 fare. Not that I recommend this but desperate times call for desperate measures.

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