Conversation: Why date who you wouldn’t marry?

by Thursday, June 13, 2013

dont_dateMany women have many different needs when it comes the requirements of “date” worthy and hopefully even more requirements for “relationship” worthy. Relationship worthy SHOULD mean “marriage” worthy (because why would you date a man you wouldn’t marry???), but it seems that many women are still dating men with NO marriage potential. Whatever you may be looking for – outside of a 1 night stand, there are some core attributes that the man you’re interested in should possess before you begin to take him seriously. I have seen many different lists but I can only speak from my own experiences good and bad and what has ultimately become key factors in a long term relationship for me.

These are things to consider while dating – before a relationship begins. Oh – and ladies, relationships just don’t “happen” there SHOULD be a clear & concise conversation, with a beginning, middle and ending. Both parties in agreement.

Are you even really dating?

In my 20’s I became very aware that the art of old fashioned dating died some time before I entered adulthood, considering myself a lady as well as old fashioned – I have always subscribed to the idea that a man should want to swoon a lady – if he’s interested. But we live in the age of text messages, instagram likes and facebook updates.  In a dating world where a man likes your photo, along with your, mother, cousins and coworkers to show interest is exactly ridiculous. Meeting up for a drink or movie that you pay for isn’t a date. You’re simply meeting up. Hanging out at each others houses isn’t a date, dropping by your work place isn’t a date, grabbing coffee isn’t a date. Conversation is the key in any situation as to not leave you confused. IF you are dating, a man will plan some time for especially you and ask you out, meet you on time and pay for your meal or activity. IF he is a gentleman anyway. Anything less than that isn’t a date, thus you aren’t dating – thus no confusion. If you consider anything else “dating” you’re selling yourself short and you should be sure your self worth is higher than your need for the attention of the opposite sex.

Don’t ignore any sign.

If you think he “might” be, than maybe he is. He MIGHT be lying, he MIGHT have a girlfriend, he MIGHT swing both ways. Listen to intuition and if you’re feeling any unsure way in the very beginning, there most likely will be a bunch of stress later on if you actually begin dating. Don’t invest time in any unsure feeling, you’ll kick yourself later for ignoring the signs. Besides, stressing over the unknown causes wrinkles.

Pay attention to how he treats YOU, as well as his family & friends.

A man could treat you like gold and treat his mother or child like sh!t. A man is only as good as his circle, and respect is the core of any relationship. This goes both ways, us as women are always judged by the type of friends we keep and the relationships we have with our close family members. If a man exhibits extreme disrespect or anger toward those he has to come in contact with daily, reconsider allowing yourself to become apart of that circle. Because if these are the people he claims to love – how will he treat YOU eventually.

Is he interested

This is simple. Do you speak daily? Does he show up on time for dates. In the beginning, its all very simple. Does he give you his full attention when he’s with you? Once the relationship actually beginning it gets A LOT more complicated.

Is there common interest.

Basically – can you both engage in conversation without awkward pauses. I was once called “a cold wet fish” by a perfectly datable guy, I just wasn’t interested enough to be interesting. We just never found a common connection and I don’t care to force what doesn’t fit.

These are just a few not so obvious but very important things to consider when dating. This post isn’t bible and you probably have a few other things to add to tailor it specifically to your personality. But remember, when dating aim for friendship first. Getting to know a friend in the beginning of any kind of relationship is awesome – blossoming a friendship into a relationship is simply Amazing.

 

 

 

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