And there he was again, looking as if I had seen him just yesterday. Even though I hadn’t seen 6’6 in over 9 months he hadn’t changed a bit. Well physically anyway, mentally he was apparently attached and happily involved. Not only was he involved, but on this particular day, which happened to be Mother’s Day in this particular place that happened to be Juniors in Brooklyn he just happened to be seated with his better half and both her parents. I hadn’t been to Juniors in over a year but I promised to take my sister who was visiting for the weekend. As soon as I walk in I see him … then take inventory of the situation, surely me, even in my gym clothes deserved at least a nod. No go. We held eye contact for at least 10 seconds, the stupid smile on my face was no match for the confused nothingness that dazed back. Once I was seated, a mere five tables away I wondered what had just happened. I wondered when I went from being a self assured attractive woman to invisible.
On my birthday I had neglected to get a call from all of the 3 friends I really have in NY, no sweat really, it was Sunday and I hadn’t really expected any. Naturally this just gives me ammunition to use next time I speak to one of said friends. 6’6 and had grown to be good friends, although the relationship had not worked out I still valued his attitude toward life and our ability to have a great time in any situation. I did let him down easy and I never thought that he would have held it against me. We spoke sporadically and emailed even less. But on birthdays and special occasions we both made sure the other was acknowledged. I cared about him as a friend. Months before in July when all of his friends had gone on vacation without him, I took him out for dinner and drinks on his birthday. Much like the year before, we spent his birthday together, but this time only as friends. So it surprised me when I didn’t even get a text message from him. A week later when I had the “audacity” to ask why I didn’t at least get a text message… he wrote me a sentence that said something like – busy with work and have a new relationship. I wrote back that everything was crystal clear and that I was sorry for even intruding.
Apparently I was mistaken, whatever friendship we had wasn’t worth anything relevant. Especially not even a phone call on a Sunday. Knowing my own self worth, I deleted him from my phone and internet lifestyles. It is not often that I consider someone a friend and when I do I don’t ever expect it to be yanked away from at the hand of another.
As of recent I had at least added him back to one of my internet communities if only to admit that I may have been a bit hasty. Then to explain that I had recently lost a love one and that I value each true friendship I have. The response. Another short sentence. I again left it at that until the Juniors debacle. You see, I totally understand why he ignored me and I’m not as insulted by it as I was when it was actually happening, I’m disappointed that my feelings weren’t taken into consideration enough for an apology afterward. Aren’t we adults? Is it not acceptable to acknowledge people you know when you’re in the presence of other people you care about?
Now, me being myself and KNOWING myself … perhaps I should chalk it up to karma. Maybe he is finally getting the last laugh. It was my decision not to pursue a relationship with him past friends. I did this because I never felt a spark, regardless of how good of a guy he was and I sang his praises to other people. I have never regretted my choice, even though I’m in no better situation now than I was then. That said, I guess I don’t have any hard feelings. How ever much this irritates me now it couldn’t hurt more than his “heartbreak” at the time.