Conversation: Why women refuse to get along

by Monday, October 21, 2013



In my much younger years I was terribly disappointed with myself. I didn’t like who I was evolving into and was uncertain of how to change into a person I could be happy with. At the time, just being content with my character  would have been enough to sustain. I  thought the woman I always wanted to be was so far from my grasp that I should only aim to be a slightly better version of the person I already didn’t like. As younger women we all struggle with our identities, unfortunately this kind of internal struggle almost always effects those around us, whether it’s our friends, family or significant others. The biggest offenders are those women who don’t realize that troubles, dramas and issues in life derive from not having a clear idea of who they are as individuals, and as women.

Or knowing and simply disliking.


That brings me to the topic of this post. Do you truly know who you are? If so, do you like that person and if not, who do you want to be? What are the inner characteristics of the woman you hope to be? Lastly, what are you doing to make that evolution?


I believe a huge problem with a lot of us women is that we never developed a true vision of the kind of woman we want to evolve into. No one ever asked me what KIND of woman I wanted to be when I grew up, only what I wanted to be, or what kind of man, job or family I wanted. The answers to all those things are the result of the kind of woman I would become. When I finally began exploring myself, my must haves and can’t stands mainly attributed to concluding who I had become and what I would put up with from myself and others. From there I began investigating the causes of the main issues in my life. Those proved to be the things I detested about myself but never took the effort to actively change. Examples include my tendency to frequently argue (with anyone), to “hate” on a person or situation I disagreed with or was ignorant to and the shame I felt about my appearance. I realized that these were all my biggest weakness and I was using my own mind against myself. I did this all WHILE I proved to those I argued with or “hated on” that I was better because I was meaner, louder and wittier. I realized, It’s not “witty” when it’s meant to prove superiority and loud foul talk only diminishes the character of the talker. I remember the “high” I felt after arguing – not debating a point and seemingly “winning” because I was the loudest and most enthusiastic about whatever the point was.


Most of us have no idea who we are as women. I mean grown a$$ women, not adolescents, tweeners  or students, grown women who are professionals, mothers and responsible for lives besides our own. Never did I stop to ask myself WHY I let another woman’s opinion or thoughts infuriate me to the point of loosing character. Perhaps I had no idea what my character consisted of OR I misjudged the security I had with my own opinions or thoughts. When you are shaky from within it spills without. I argued to hide that insecurity. Insecurity that existed because I never asked myself did I want to be the type of grown woman that argued in the street with other women or men that meant nothing to my position in life or well being.


We can’t get along because we don’t know who we are.


Is the kind of woman you want to be the type that argues over petty nothings? Is the kind of woman you want to be, one that degrades other women because of your own unresolved insecurities? The kind of LADY I wanted to be formed once I began asking myself these questions. I acknowledged that I consistently gave away power by allowing others to mold my attitude through their words and opinions. Get to know your triggers, then explore WHY those things trigger you. Knowing and acknowledging will lead to a better understanding of yourself and more importantly the power to change the reactions you have to people and situations. We don’t get along because we don’t know who we are.

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